This is the real world

I’m convinced that the the #1 thing that provokes stress and anxiety in college aged students, is the massive amounts of responsibility that get dumped on us all at once. Do I speak from experience? Yes, I do.

I’ve spent the last three months agonizing over health insurance. A few months after I turned 18 I was booted off of my family insurance and had to apply for state insurance. The application process was a pain, but overall relatively easy and strait forward. Everything was fine and dandy until one year later when I had to re-apply. (Every year they want to verify that you are still worthy of having health coverage; They make you fill out the same long, endless application). Everything is online now. You can’t just fill out a piece of paper and mail it or fax it (they don’t even have a fax number!) you have to create an account, scan and upload all of your documents, and so on and so forth.

So, I did all that some time last fall. The online confirmation page said my application was successfully submitted and good to go. Then March rolls around and I get this letter in the mail that basically says “One month from now your insurance will be cancelled.”

Uhmmm, what? I do not think so! I dedicated hours and hours of my life to that stupid application, I did everything you wanted and now you’re telling me it wasn’t enough?

The thing is, I’m a medical mess. I have a variety of health problems from asthma to glaucoma. So, I kind of need health insurance for my plethora of prescriptions and doctors. Within minutes of getting that lovely cancellation notice I called the number on it. I was transferred from person, to person, to person and eventually put on hold for hours. No one had any idea why I received that letter. “Everything looks great on our end.” “Your application seems to have been processed successfully”. “Well, if you got that letter you’re definitely being cancelled but we have no idea why.” The help I received was phenomenal.

I went down to the DSS office the next day, presented them with my wonderful letter, and they assured me it was merely a system error and I was good to go. Woo-hoo!!!

Let us jump to three weeks ago. I go to pick up my eye drops at the pharmacy and am told I don’t have insurance so they won’t give them to me. I then proceeded to spend the last three weeks calling number after number and going in and out of the DSS office. I’m told they have no record of me at all. That I need to reapply and it could take months.

AGHHHHHHHH.

Meanwhile, I was undergoing the hell that is known as finals. And I work full time. And I’m job hunting for a second job. And I’m weeks away from undergoing a major surgery.

Do you see what I mean by too much at once? In high school my grades were expected to be my only priority. Now I’m expected to maintain great grades, work full time to completely financially support myself, and worry about insurance and other grown up problems. And it’s not just me – it’s college kids everywhere! We’re thrown into the real world without a flotation device. Do they seriously want us to drown? I shouldn’t complain, I know I shouldn’t. All of these things just come with the age. However, it doesn’t help lessen the anxiety or stress any.

What is the moral of this long, ranting tale? I’ll tell you.

It’s hard, and at times devastating, but we need to start facing the reality of the grown up world. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed – everyone, and I mean everyone, has been there before. All of these unpleasant responsibilities get easier the more experience you have with them. And the bad is only a tiny fraction of “the real world”. There’s a ton of awesome that’s waiting at the end of the day. I can’t tell you how great it’s been to just go grab coffee with my best friend after a long day of dealing with all of this insurance nonsense. It really roots me and reminds me that “this too shall pass”.

Another thing I learned is that it’s nearly impossible to manage your stress and anxiety without first learning to manage the situations in your life. Having to deal with everything makes me just want to shut down and mope in my anxiousness. But what does that accomplish? Ultimately, I just get more anxious and stressed because all my problems are just sitting there. You need to take the initiative. Take control of your life. Make it awesome! Easier said than done, I know, but it’s not impossible.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”  – Albert Einstein 

“Don’t sweat the small stuff”, they say.

            I’ve come to learn that there’s no such thing as “the small stuff” in college. Stress is an inevitable part of the college lifestyle. Not only is there a boat load of academic work, extra-curricular activities, financial responsibilities, and constant freaking out about our futures, but (yes, there’s more!) there are social issues and the process of developing ourselves as well. It’s a lot of pressure for someone who not too long ago had Mom and Dad to take care of everything. Add in a mental illness and it’s a recipe for disaster.

          The majority of mental illnesses (such as depression, anxiety disorders, and bipolar disorder) cause the sufferer to have a more extreme reaction to stress. What should be relatively easy to handle becomes a major crisis. I think what’s important to understand about this, is that the extreme reactions are involuntary. People with mental illnesses aren’t purposely trying to be dramatic or making the conscious choice to “freak out”. It just happens. And it sucks.

            Let’s put it into perspective. One of my roommates last semester had severe anxiety problems. Let’s call her “Sharon”. When Sharon had a big paper coming up she would get stressed out about it. Pretty normal, right? Well, she’d get so stressed out by this one paper, that she would start thinking about everything in her life that was good cause for stress. Even little things like having a load of laundry to do would make its way onto her mental list of “Reasons I Can’t Handle Life Right Now”.

            She’d get to the point where she was so overwhelmed that she physically could not sit down to write her paper without risking a panic attack. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t eat. She was just way too stressed. I’m no psychologist but I would say that’s definitely an issue.

            Here’s some exciting news, you don’t even need to have a mental illness for stress to blow up in your face like that! All you need is to be a living, breathing, human being and you qualify!

            Alright, so that news is far from exciting. Stress is certainly no light thing. Unfortunately, there’s no instant cure for stress. There are, however, ways that you can deal with it so it doesn’t take over your life. (Can I get a round of applause for that!?)

PsychCentral has a list of some pretty great stress-relieving tips that you can see here:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2010/06/23/18-ways-to-manage-stress/

To add my own two cents to this list, I recommend…

• Music. Nothing beats your favorite song (or songs) on repeat.
• Nature. Being outside is a great way to escape your own mind for a little bit. Just find a place in the grass and sprawl out. Watch the sky, watch the ocean, climb a tree. The down side to this is the weather isn’t always in your favor.
• What makes you happy? Writing? Drawing? Playing Frisbee? Watching American Idol? (Okay, I know, no one watches that anymore.) Do it! Take half an hour where you promise yourself not to think about anything else except for the one task at hand. Spend that little bit of time doing something that you enjoy to do. Even if you’re not into it at the time at least you’re giving yourself a temporary distraction to help you regroup.
• Candles. Scents are scientifically proven to have a drastic impact on your mind. Pick something that smells really good to you, or something known to be soothing (lavender, honey suckle, etc.)
• Keep telling yourself that you CAN handle everything. Push that stress aside and amp up your self confidence. I’m not telling you to ignore your feelings, but mind over matter goes a long way!

 

“Our happiness or our unhappiness depends far more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of the events themselves.” – Wilhelm Von Humboldt

America’s Next Top Dieter

NEDA week has come and gone. For those of you unfamiliar with the acronym, NEDA stands for National Eating Disorder Awareness. Once a year the NEDA organization hosts a week of awareness. This organization also does a lot to raise awareness year round, which is extremely necessary.

I’ve seen firsthand what an eating disorder is truly capable of. It’s unfortunate that “extreme dieting” never really seems like a big deal until the dieter has withered away to a skeleton (literally). This image is probably one of the most commonly used in eating disorder awareness promotion:

The struggle to “fit in” to the perfect image society advocates is nothing new. What girl doesn’t want the size 0 body of a model? It’s beautiful – or, at least what we’re told is beautiful. The sad truth is that eating disorders go so much further than the desire to be attractive (though, that aspiration is in no way to be belittled). Starving yourself can be anything from a reaction to extreme anxiety or a risky attempt at gaining control – it’s not always about weight loss. You can’t really specify the cause or method of an eating disorder, because like so many mental illnesses it’s different for each person.

During my first semester of college I remember one of the most exciting parts being the dining hall. My university is ranked as having one of the top dining halls in the nation (pretty cool, eh?). Only a few days into the semester and there was no doubt in my mind that I was just going to have to embrace the Freshman 15. While I had suffered from eating problems in the past, it just wasn’t a concern of mine anymore; it was college. Everything was great and wonderful and I was starting the funnest part of my life! And if that included pizza and ice cream each day, so be it.

I thought everyone shared this same outlook as me. Who in their right mind could resist so much amazing food?

My roommate at the time was the shy and slow-to-warm type. A few weeks into the school year and she went through a pretty nasty break up. I tried to keep her busy and be positive for her, and as we parted for Thanksgiving break that year I thought she was doing alright. It wasn’t until we came back from break that I became extremely worried.

When I first met her I recall thinking she was really pretty. She was skinny but also had curves in all the right places. Now, her yoga pants sagged off of her. She avoided the dining hall like the plague. Every time I suggested going to lunch or dinner she was always too busy with homework, too tired, or just not hungry.

It acted like a trigger for me. Suddenly I felt wrong for eating so much when she wouldn’t eat at all. I felt gross for having no self-control when she had so much. I’m so blessed to have been surrounded by a really solid group of friends that semester, otherwise I’m afraid of what I could have reverted back into.

I speculate it was just the awful break up that lead my roommate to stop eating, because by second semester she seemed to be much, much better. (I’m so glad for that. I don’t know what I would have had to do otherwise to help her. Being in that position is absolutely terrible – how do you help someone who doesn’t acknowledge needing help? How do you approach such sensitive subjects?)

It was kind of an eye opener though. For the first time college didn’t seem like this delightful get away. Suddenly everywhere I looked I was seeing this problem. From girls at the dining hall eating nothing but a small salad, to girls in the gym working out way too hard (when they looked like they could drop dead any second), to stories I’d hear from others students. Suddenly the pressure was so real. Suddenly the statistics were right there.

So, now what? That’s the problem, how do you stop this endemic? There’s no answer to that question, and that’s the scariest part. You can tell someone how wonderful they are every day – because we are all wonderful, beautiful, and worthwhile – but sometimes these problems go a lot deeper.  God, do I wish everyone could see that they are so much more than their problems and insecurities, that they deserve to be happy, healthy, and to eat.

Going back to middle school, my friend suffered from anorexia and bulimia and ended up in and out of hospitals and rehab clinics for years. I can remember wondering that same thing way back then, “What do I do? How can this be stopped?”. The truth is, no one can take on that sole responsibility. It’s our job, as friends, family members, -as human beings- to show unconditional love and support. If someone is suffering they need to know that their problem is bad, but that the love they receive is far greater than it. It takes a great support system to move beyond an eating disorder. It’s also important to encourage them to get professional help. Seeking the help of someone who is trained and passionate about recovery from an E.D. is a huge step, and also a life saving one. I don’t know where I’d be if my friend, my roommate, or even myself hadn’t had the courage to strive for more than our disorders.

If you or someone you care about is struggling, I really encourage you to check out the resources below.

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support

‎”Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.

Welcome to a real life university

All throughout high school I thought teenage angst was just a stage me and everyone else would leave behind after graduation. I got a rude awakening when I started college. The “teenage angst” not only didn’t go away, but it seemed to have gotten worse. I was surrounded by teenagers and young adults struggling with depression and other problems. And I was, and still am, standing in that same boat with them.

I’ve had the dis-privilege of learning a lot about mental illness way back in 7^th grade. My best friend suffered from anorexia and bulimia and ended up in the hospital. That was only one of many visits and problems that would escalate in the future. It didn’t make sense to me at the time. I was twelve years old and hurting that deeply wasn’t something that fit into the grand scheme of life. A few years later I would enter my own battle with self-esteem issues and only then would everything click: It’s called mental illness because it makes you ill.

It seems like every day I learn that someone else in my life has been battling their own version of the beast behind closed doors. This statistic came as no surprise to me: More than 25 percent of college students have been diagnosed or treated by a professional for a mental health condition within the past year. (ACHA, 2012)

Alright, so what about the other ¾? How many of them have a mental health condition that’s gone undiagnosed? College is stressful, hectic, and busy, busy, busy. With exams, papers, socializing, extra-curricular and everything else, who has time to sit down and rationally think, “Okay, I have a problem. I should get help for this problem.” And then actually follow through?

Not many people. So instead of getting help we find other ways to cope. Negative ways, unhealthy ways. And our method never actually take away the pain, so we just keep trying. It’s either that or give up, right?

I’m so tired of seeing those I care about suffering so much. I’m tired of suffering myself.

I’m a 20 year old and I attend the University of Mental Illness. This blog will chronicle my life as a college student surrounded by depression, self-harm, anxiety, eating disorders, and beyond.

‎”We are all wonderful, beautiful wrecks. That’s what connects us—that we’re all broken, all beautifully imperfect.” — Emilio Estevez